Archives for : Life

Do you want to know when you’ll die?

Would you like to know when you’ll die?
Seems every week someone I knew from my youth, be it David Bowie or whomever, dies. My uncle Jack died a few months ago and he knew he was going to die. Bowie clearly knew he was going to die to. That farewell video Lazarus he recorded is both haunting and beautiful. A great send-off to fans who’ve listened and watched him for 5 decades. Shocked me to see Major Tom was a 1969 release, the year of my birth. I was playing his songs for Jenni this morning to see if she knew any of them and I told her I thought Major Tom was an early 80’s hit.
Having a doctor tell me they want to scan my head to rule out brain cancer was also an eye-opening experience. Fortunately, I do not, but it made me consider my mortality.
Do I want to know when I’m going to die? Not knowing (accident, whatever) would have a certain appeal as there’s no time to dwell on it, more likely less pain. But I’ve been thinking about this for awhile and the Bowie thing kind of pushed me to the knowing side.
I would like to know when I’m going to die. It would allow me to say good bye to the people that mattered to me in a manner I choose. I’d be able to have long conversations with my sons and I think they’d listen more intently knowing I wouldn’t be able to share wisdom much longer. I’d be able to properly dispose of anything (bookmarked links heh) I wouldn’t want people to know about (hey we all have our secrets).
I realize this may not be an option, but it’s an interesting thought exercise. I’m 46 years old, I’ve had a good life. If I found out I was going to die of cancer I wouldn’t be happy about it, but I think I’d quickly come to terms and focus on the things that will matter after I’m gone. The people I love and the living.